originalglaze

drums

Sun, 07 May 2006 09:58:05 GMT

Dude. Janet Weiss Ruuulez.

Solo again

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 07:22:28 GMT

Yaaay, I'm playing solo again. I realized my site is connected to my livejournal and I therefore must update this thing more often. But what about blogging? I'm so confused. Perhaps I will just have to cut and paste my thoughts here and there in order to maintain. Well, wether I blog or journal things are well. I can't wait to play again and there is no drama in solo shows. That's the best part. The worst it gets is the beer tab but other than that its safe with exception of folks that may show up to throw tomatoes at me. The last time I was at El Rio it was aaaawful. As Mary J. Blige said, "NOoooo drama!" and I plan to keep it that way. I want to do this Elizabeth Cotten song but the picking parts are quite difficult. I shouldn't worry about that though since no one can play like Elizabeth could.

My Room

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 23:47:58 GMT

I'm not freaking out. I typed for over an hour straight and my entire entry is gone.
Let me look at this as clarity of mind and how I can type like lightning when I have to. Especially when I have. I was good at it in school and still am. Screenwriting was what I was best at and my bad luck with computers worked against me cause I've lost hundreds of pages in the past that I've had to re-type at various stages (day before final, last line of the entire story, etc.)
What was I saying before? Hmmmmmm. I was reflecting while cleaning my room. Well...re-organizing it. I don't need to clean it cause its not dirty. A few coffee cups here and there but its still the way it should be. Various things going at various parts of the room.
The weather cleared up a bit as I had hoped so I can run in the park without freezing.
I've been forced to reflect with much difficulty but in a healthy manner. Its time I showed what I thought I was missing. I'm tired of being treated as a novice and I'm tired of acting like on. Modesty is one thing but stupidity is another. I'm not stupid.
After playing the Odeon show and seeing and feeling intimidated from sound check all the way on I knew it was a reccurring feeling in my life. As a fanatic of everything I work on (not my work but the kind of work) I find myself the fanatic while talking to the other "artists". I'm always looking to learn which is a good thing but when I walked in I realized the Juanita chick who fronts some country band completely overlooked me when I walked in not to mention I was the only person related to the gig there at the time and clearly I was since I was carrying a guitar case and an amp. When Jenny from Erase Eratta walked in she was all over her. What a bitch. Maybe I was jumping the guy though. Juanita is white as snow too. I like the name though. The door guy (who saw me come through and I said "I'm here for sound check") collected money after a bunch of my friends came cause he wasn't at the door. What kind of shit is that?
Then if that wasn't enough he asked me for my 6 dollars. Am I fucking invisible? "I'm actually playing tonight," I said.
I was scared to play with Jenny mostly cause of her experience or just the size of her band. Its a tour de force of a band I think. One of the few bands out of SF I admire. She sound checked the stage I was playing on while the Juanita Family used a seperate stage. Probably cause they had a lot of equipment. Anyway, the sound guy sound checked Jenny and then told me to sound check myself when I was ready to go on. Whatever. Jenny did some guitar and singing. IT was very country but that was just a snippet of what she might sound like. Juanita and her family or whatever did a Hank Williams tune in its entirety for sound check. I should also mention when they were told they were going on last the guys in the band seemed a littled pissed. They looked like jerks anyway. The Hank song was so A-TYPICAL country song. I think it was Your Cheatin' Heart. God, I was so tempted to do I Can't Help It at that point. I turned to Jed and asked if I should do the Hank song I knew cause I thougth I would but maybe that was a little too country and I'd have been trying too hard. So I didn't. I actually changed almost the entire set to accomodate the crowd. NOt that I knew anything of what they'd expect of me but I knew almost instantly the Nina Simone song I'd worked so hard on was not going to go over well.
I talked to Jenny briefly. That chick is weird. She seemed to speak in 2 minute intervals then shut down and stray away from and come back. She wasn't stoned or drunk. I know this cause she told me she can't drink or do drugs before she goes on cause she can't play that way. I know this cause I asked what it was like to take on guitar and singing in her band now that their guitarist was gone. I wanted to know what it was like. Actually I already knew what it was like I just wanted to know what she thought and if I could relate. Its sort of different for me cause I was already doing guitar and singing and for her she was too used to singing and not playing much at all. She then talked about Willie Nelson. Lesbians looooove Willie Nelson. I asked her if she Carla Bozulich who I think is also one of the greatest musicians to come out of this city but she's old school and never got the attention she deserved/her record label fucked her and her band over. Anyway, Jenny did that thing I really hate. When people act like they don't know about something cause for whatever reason they have a hang up about it.
First I asked if she met Carla Bozulich and she said she kinda did but she was on mushrooms and couldn't really talk to her and she said she's never really listened to her stuff before and she seemed nice.
Somehow I didn't believe that and also I did just want to talk about Carla (ps Donelle was singing one of her songs that we were covering in just two hours at the next gig). I did not want to talk about local celebrity ties and such or drug stories.
"What the hell is this 'Almost Famous'," I thought to myself in Sophia's voice.
So then I asked if she heard the "Red Headed Stranger" album. A Willie Nelson album that Carla re-did from start to finish. An awfully ambitious feat not to mention it was her solo debut. It was hailed by critics and by Willie Nelson. Willie is even on it.
She said she's never listened to it. But she was said that like she was smiling to herself. All I could think was "this bitch crazy if she thinks I'm going to buy that."
I went with it though and told her I thought it was a good album just judging by how her die hard fans liked it even if they didn't know shit about Willie Nelson. I also thought it ironic I was playing a Carla cover at the Brainwash which I would have to do in just an hour or so. The conversation tappered off but I know she was just jealous someone came up with an idea she would have loved to do.
Pie told me later that Jenny played a Willie song or two and talked about him on stage. Lesbians loooove Willie apparently.
I played and I was nervous and frigtened but I held myself the best I could. I found out later I was being projected via a camera on to the wall next to me. I'm glad I didn't know that. It would have freaked me out. I did a Hawaiian song very hesitantly. NOt sure what that sounded like. I explained to the audience what a Hawaiian was and what a Maori is. Not many people know what a Maori is. Did I sound like an asshole?
I got off feeling anti-climactic and then Kaya came up to me and told me she thought I was great and she nearly cried. I told her I thought otherwise and may have sucked. She told me she would slap me right there if I said one more negative thing about myself. She was serious. Compliment accepted.
So I took off for the Brainwash. Just the kids from the other two bands were left but they were the loudest kids ever and adorable. They even clapped with Donelle on the "STOP" between the Panic riffs. It was really too cute.
The guy from MERCH told me when we left that we were sort of heroes to him and its sounded lame but true.
When I'm ready to give up I always get something like that to hold on to and I don't feel like I threw my life away after college.
I'm in a sensitive stage of my life yet I'm the toughest I've ever had to be. This might explain why I haven't taken any bullshit from anyone friend or foe. That's not to say tears never followed me but that's just the ashes rolling out of me.
Back to my room. I found all these old pictures and boxes and packed little things. THings packed from places I've moved from years ago. That's how often I've moved or been forced to move. Cummutively looking at these makes me feel like a grandfather. The stories and places I've been.
I've run into so many people from pictures I put away from different stages of my life. We catch up for the moments we see each other and everyone seems so developed and I feel so still. So much changed yet nothing. No respect, no money, nothing since school, no industry job, never moved to LA or NY, no new scripts, but I have a boyfriend. That blows me away too when I say it still but even people from my past are surprised. I guess that's an accomplishment. I didn't work on it though but I believe I earned it.
He likes my room and never judges it or me.
I still feel I need to move soon and allow myself to grow. This city sometimes just prevents growth. I have to push my passions through the walls and I'm making time for it and I can do it. I want to write more. I want everytime I wrtie to be this long. I want to move forward and I feel it happening. I saw the new Runaways documentary. It was awesome and sad. When Cherie Currie described her stress and how she refused to come out of her dressing room one night cause she couldn't deal I thought it was funny that my favorite Runaway, Lita Ford, litrerally kicked the door down and picked her up by her collar.
Lita Ford clearly from the start was concerned with the music and nothing else and she is just as bad ass as she looks.
Too bad Joan didn't contribute to the documentary but then I think that said a lot too.
The light and warmth is leaving so I better run while I still can.

Live to Tell

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 19:56:08 GMT

I made it. I'm surprised I did make it under 4 hours which was more biggest fear. My training wasn't what I wanted it to be but I tried to make up for it where I could. Thank god my parents know running inside out and they could tell me what i needed to do. So I ran and it was really crowded. I ate fried noodles and a turnover to load up on carbs. I couldn't sleep I was so nervous and I didn't get to sleep til midnight! Mind you I had to wake up at 3am so my mom could drop me off in time. Shit, so I got there at 4:30 and the marathon starts at 5am. I waited, I stretched, I waited, I saw a guy pee right there next to me against a wall. It was nasty cause there are fucking porta potties jerk. So I after the national anthem they let the wheelchairs go and then the shot fireworks and it was the runner's turn. When I took off it was hardly a take off cause it was so crowded. It was 25 thousand and up this year and I could barely move. It was this way for the first 5 miles till I realized I wasn't running up to my potential. Later I would size up the runners around me and realize,"I'm out of these people's league." The people at my level had cut and pushed way up front at this point and I was stuck in the level just below me. So excelled on the 10th mile and was where I should be. It is really cool for people to cheer on the sidelines and some even played music. When you're dying and all you can hear is your heart beat in your head by the 15th mile it really helps to hear something encouraging.
There was one stage with a large Hawaiian woman and her son singing and playing ukulele and her voice was beautiful. Then there was a disco stage (yeah, fuck you I love disco) and then there was this old woman wearing a red muumuu, red pumps, and a santa hat and playing the accodian with bells strapped to her ankles which she used as accompaniment. Brilliant.
I stopped to use a pota potty cause I kept imagining in my heaad I'd be one of those runners to shit on themselves. This is probably due to Matt asking me about this issue everytime the marathon comes up. So I rubbernecked towars the last 6 miles. I barely broke a sweat up to the 20th mile which means I paced myself but my legs couldn't handle any faster but I did run a good average. By the 24th mile I was ready to die and I had to take my shirt off cause I was ready to die and at that point even a bracelet is a weight!
So I accelerated on the last mile. This Hawaiian lady hit the 25 mile mark and she darted right past me. It was impressive cause with all my might I couldn't get to her pace. When I got to 1/2 a mile there was a guy who was trying to beat me and we went back and forth and I looked for that adrenaline I needed. The only two things I had to do that was Janet Weiss' beat on "Our Happiness is Garuanteed" and the guitar riff to the Girlschool song appropriately titled "Race With the Devil". So I went between those two and pushed and I beat the guy by like one second. When I walked to the showers he extended his hand to me and said,"Good race." That was weird. I just thought we'd play stupid and glare at each others like in most invisible competitions. He was cute too. He was also probably like 18-20 or something. I offered him some candy but he didn't go for it. Its funny I beat him cause my dentitst told me he knows this guy who was 19 and did the marathon in less than 3 hours which is amazing but he was 19. He told me to keep that in mind so that might push me. I was nowhere near 3 hours but I did beat the 19 year-old. The best part is I beat my old time by 7 minutes which is awesome. I nearly barfed at the end. I was dehydrated cause I only drank a cup of water or more on that entire run so that was part of it but just pushing the human body to do that makes it shocked after. I got some Shiatsu and that helped a lot but the donuts I told my mom to bring me weren't looking so good. It took hours to get my appetite back. So I can barely walk but I don't need to cause I'm resting and watching Golden Girls re-runs all day.

3:45:21

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 01:41:37 GMT

I finally made it to Hawaii. San Francisco worked my right up to the moment I got on the plane. 5am running out in puddles of water and storming I ran and had to take a cab cause I was drenched waiting for the bus to take me to the Bart. Does the 21 even run that early. Pie helped me and he was and is a saint right up our Bart ride to 24th where he got off we bid our farewells. Easy for him cause it looked like a grim crowd on my train and its always nice to debate how many homophobics are there just on site. After you kiss its always good to reasess and see who is now staring at you and who is disgusted. There were only two I could tell but I have to credit to anyone who has the strength to be a bigot at that hour on a train.
Hawaii will drain you. It will drain me twice simply because it is not only physically draining to get this much sun and heat but because my family is here. It is Christmas so it will drain me faster. I got home with little more than two hours of sleep counting the sleep I had on the plane. I've decided to avoid children for at least a week the best I can because my plane ride here the children outnumbered the adults. When I squeezed down to my seat #26B I was 5 seats away till I had to wait for the old guy in front of me to put his carry-on away and sit down. There's nothing more confining than a airplane walkway. So I'm waiting and I can't get past him (note: I am carrying a backpack that is overstuffed, a guitar on my back, and my the hole on the back of my pants below my ass just tripled in size when I leaped into the cab that morning). Then the old man leans fwd like a fucking inch and yell's "Andale andale andale!" Was he fucking serious? Of course he was. Welcome to my life. San Francisco is on my plane I realized. I wanted to hit him on two hours sleep but I realized he's old and nuts. He was trying to let me past while yelling at me to hurry up past him while he leaned fwd. I said," I CAN'T! So just put your stuff away and I'll wait!"
Huhh.
Then the high maintenance girl that was sitting in my seat was waiting for me to move in till I told her she was sitting in my seat and then she told me she was right and I was wrong. Good thing they have those little picture diagrams above each seat so I point to the picture and say "this is 26B. this is my ticket. this is the little man in the picture. This is the little window and the little man is standing next to it. This is MY seat."
She was pissed cause she was wrong. Maybe she felt dumb cause I had to use pictures to teach her but whatever. Stupid people deserve to look stupid.
Mom picked me up with a plate lunch from Zippy's! She told me I could eat it in the car but I waited till I got home so I could change my clothes and eat with remote in hand. I scarfed it. It was good times.
Today it is hot. Its great cause SF has been so cold I've gotten sick twice. My body can't handle that temperature. I'm built on sun and clean air with tradewinds. This is where I belong. I finally got us a gig and a radio gig and I'm pooped. I'm determined to keep this a vacation so I've been staying home and working on songs and art. Tomorrow is my marathon and I'm getting really nervous. I trained the best I could. I trained my ass off but sickness, bad weather, band things, work and injuries have made that hard but sometimes that's a truer test than the marathon itself. 26 miles is nothing compared to what I've gone through while training. Today is dedicated to rest and eating lots of carbohydrates.
All I ask is I do my marathon under 4 hours. Knees don't fail me now.

a sick revolution

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 18:53:48 GMT

I called in sick for the first time in a year and half. Before that was my first time in 3 years. I believe its my guilty conscious and my will to succeed. I'm always doing 30 things at least but its hard to part with a days pay simply because my throat hurts, I have a fever, and my body aches like a whore on a Sunday morning. On one hand I make shit for pay so I'm not losing much money and on the other hand I make shit for pay so losing a day is drastic. So I'm out 80 bucks or so. But we're busy as hell so I'm causing a ripple effect of things to do for the other guys I work with. But my manager gets away with murder. She gets to work early and makes 9hours and bails when in fact UPS doesn't arrive till an hour after she starts so she doesn't do anything but drink coffee and eat scones for an hour (mmmmmm, scoones. That bitch!). She's also a fucking mental timebomb/lesbian always bringing the entire room down when she's pissed or up when she's up. There are more downs than ups to say the least. Yesterday at 8am I ran 11 miles and went to work with a sore throat which manifested into this FLU2000 thing that is killing everyone this season (mind you I just got over the last illness I had yesterday). At one point I simply could not move and laid on a 2 bins of cd's just dying. The whole day she kept talking about what she wanted to eat. "MMMmmm, I want soup." I'm dying. "Ooooh, its cold. I want tea." I'm dying."I'm going to the mission tonight to hangout. That sucks its cold out." I'm dying. What a selfish kunt.
Anyway, relieving that in my head I picked up the phone and dialed work and left a messge. I can count how many times I've called in sick in my life. 5.
Its easy to remember cause everytime I've quit a job I've looked back and thought "I called in sick once in two years and they have the nerve to...."
Huuhhh, well maybe now I can work on cleaning the mess the twister that is my life did to my room along with the aftershock of living with a boyfriend in a room that is only big enough for my piles of clothes and paper.
Besides I still have to run,clean the kitchen and go to the post office.
I will get better today cause I will need a heaping dose of beer tomorrow night.

some things never change

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 06:13:01 GMT

My God! The last time I updated this journal was nearly 2 years ago. Where does one start when re-starting a journal. On paper I could never really keep a journal either. I have like 50 journals with 15 pages filled and never finished throughout my life. I have sketchbooks with pictures and even those don't have the last several pages drawn on either. What does this say about me? I don't want to know.
Well, now its all band and work now. I don't know what's changed in the last two years. Oh wait, a lot but not so much. The band which has been both my curse and my joy is going stronger than ever having just finished recording an album which is just amazing. It baffles me. On one hand I worry why I never did this sooner and on the other hand I feel like I was so right cause it took this long to write these songs, find the right people to play them, and learn how to play them (myself included). I thought I'd have pages of notes I'd taken from the recording about the process itself but quite honestly I never had the time to write more than a few words about which guitar I'd used (there were 4) or deciding on the right verse to sing or substitute (my songs all have multiple verses I switch or discard or revise always). I'm still aching from the process but now that its over I have my training for the marathon to make up for all those aches and pains that were going to heal. My hand is still hurting since before the recording which may be due to my tendonitis or is this a new condition. My sciadica is acting up again and its getting a bit more serious this time.
Working at the record store (well I see that has not changed since I last wrote on here) has not helped the tendonitis. Hell, it caused it. But this thing in my thumb has been almost a month. I had to ignore it for the sake of recording and at work I designed a splint for it which is difficult cause its my thumb which is not the same as fingers. You know? I mean just imagine trying to splint a thumb. It doesn't work. I shouldn't be making spaces between my words cause I use my thumb on the space bar.
Well I'm broker than ever or should I say as usual.
I have a boyfriend these days and he's late for coming home. I'm worried he's been hit by a car and can't reach me. I'm not such a good boyfriend. I worry and bitch all the time. NOw I'm freaking out cause he's staying with me for a month. Not that he's in my way so much as this is "living" with my boyfriend. And the rules change a bit or at least the worrying does. Like:
Where is he? He said he was going to dinner with friends and he didn't want to stay out late at all. Its been 3 hours. That's longer than a while is it not.
He has no cell phone. I don't know the friends he's out with.
Is boyfriend starting to sound like motherhood? If that's the case I should be grounding him. Now I'm seriously getting worried. Worried enough that I will continue this journal another time so that I can plug my phone in, wait for a ring or a knock on the door or a "I'm hoooome" while I clutch my pillow while listening to Sister Rosetta Tharpe sing about faith and playing guitar with the soul of a saint.
goodnight

Which Sleater-Kinney Girl Am I?

Wed, 16 Apr 2003 03:30:36 GMT

Which Sleater-Kinney Girl Are You?

Wisdom

Wed, 12 Mar 2003 00:35:05 GMT

My second wisdom tooth was removed today. Ouch, the drugs are wearing off. Fortunately I have vicadine to relieve me.
There's this local band I saw last week. Its "Two Gallants". They played with my friend Marina. They're kind of like the White Stripes meet the Pogues. They're a two piece with sort of celtic rhythm and melody but rockin'.

Noisepop

Tue, 25 Feb 2003 07:48:58 GMT

Noisepop Festival is this week. I'm going to see Dead Moon, Imperial Teen, M. Ward, and then go to see Lisa Loeb next week. If the Nervous BReakdowns were functional now we might have played Noisepop. Maybe next year.

APA FESTIVAL GIG!!

Sun, 22 Sep 2002 09:13:13 GMT

Who: The Nervous Breakdowns
What: APA Festival (an annual festival featuring Asian Pacific American artists.
When: Saturday, 9/28/02 10pm
Where: SomArts- South of Market Cultural Center, 934 Brennan St., San Fran.

For more info. go to the APAture Website

Toothache

Sun, 22 Sep 2002 06:54:39 GMT

[7/24/2002 11:06:03 AM | Christian Ramos]
I had my wisdom tooth pulled. It was killing me and giving me headaches and such. I'm glad to have it gone but I have 3 left. I couldn't afford to get rid of all of them cause I'm broke like TLC. Maybe a dentist will become a fan of mine and give me free dental work. Or at least a good deal on some bridge work.

4th of July

Sun, 22 Sep 2002 06:52:24 GMT

[7/4/2002 10:16:31 AM | Christian Ramos]
Okay, this blogger thing has once again confused me and reminded me why exactly I haven't done it in such a long time. Hmm. Well. Here goes.
I was just saying how last year's 4th of July seemed not so long ago and the year before that too. Last year memorable for my friend Matt puking all over himself and the year before that for me getting fireworks lucky. Like big fireworks.
This year I'm curious as to whether I'll be experiencing fireworks and sparks or drowned in a pool of my own vommit. Cross your fingers!
Also I remember I wrote a song called 4th of July that needed its finishing touches. I guess its been long enough and what better day to finish it than today.
Well, my band/thenervousbreakdowns are playing someones BBQ today. Hope it works out. We have to cover a throwing muses song but I'm not sure how its going to sound cause I have to learn a solo for it I was not prepared for. Reason being we couldn't play my original choice "Cry Baby Cry" cause my drummer couldn't handle the drum part. This just goes to show you just how complex of a musician the THrowing Muses really are.
*pop* Pop* PoP*